Two weeks, seven flights, forty eight hours in an airplane

Ok. I looked at my blog stats this morning. A lot of you have been reading my blog while I’ve been traveling. Except I haven’t been writing anything new. I feel like a bad blogger. At least I have a few good excuses…

The last few weeks have been amazing. Hard. Inspiring. Maybe even life changing.

Flying so far away from my family for so long is painful. I miss my kids and my husband more than I can begin to explain. But I know without a doubt that God is at work. He called me to go. He’s opened doors along the way. He’s planting seeds in my heart and building relationships I never expected. I have done nothing here. I just showed up. God is doing the rest.

Over the last six months I have been praying to grow in humility. I struggle with pride. Writers are inherently arrogant. We think we have something to say to the world. But somehow the more I write, the less I think I know. This book not about what I know, who I am or how much I have accomplished.

The discipline of writing is teaching me humility. Word by word, page by page, chapter by chapter I am learning that it’s not about me. At all. I just showed up. Because who am I? I am just a mom who is crazy enough to say yes.

Where do I even start in explaining the last few weeks?

On Friday, April 30 I flew to London through San Francisco. I arrived in London after a sleepless red eye, grabbed a cup of coffee and the world’s best breakfast if you need non-stop energy (half an avocado with soft boiled egg on toast) and began the process of looking for a house for our family to rent in London.  After a few days of looking for houses and exploring the neighborhoods in Southwest London, I was pretty confident we’d found our new home. Unfortunately, our plans may have changed a bit, but we’re still trusting that God knows where we’ll live even if we don’t.

On Wednesday, May 2 I flew from London to Los Angeles. This flight was on Air New Zealand. Can I tell you how amazing this plane ride was? When it was time to get off the plane in LA, I wanted to stay on board. I’ve never been to New Zealand, but the people on the Air New Zealand flight made me want to go. Seriously. Great wine, lots of movies, funny people…I could even push a button and they would bring me a snack. If you need to fly internationally, people, fly Air New Zealand.

The purpose of my trip to LA was to go to the Orphan Summit at Saddleback Church. The Orphan Summit was interesting. I really enjoyed getting to visit old friends and to meet new friends. I love being with a crowd of people who get my heart. I will write a more about the Summit soon. After the Summit was done, I had one day to visit with friends. I met my friend Loryn for coffee at one of my favorite places in the world. I had a Noonday Collection Trunk Show with my friend Bonnie. I went out for Cinco de Mayo drinks with my friend Courtney.

On Sunday, May 6 I took a red eye from LA to Amsterdam. Somewhere near Toronto, someone on the airplane had a medical emergency. We had to land the plane in Toronto. This meant a delay of at least 3 hours – and that I would miss my flight to Rwanda. When I finally made it to Amsterdam, I found out I would have to spend about 12 hours in the airport before taking another red eye flight to Nairobi and then a flight to Kigali. Did I mention I cannot sleep on airplanes? So basically I did not sleep Sunday night or Monday night, but when I arrived in Rwanda on Tuesday, I had to jump right into work.

Can we take a minute to count? So far in this trip, I’ve flown from Seattle to San Francisco to London to Los Angeles to Toronto to Amsterdam to Nairobi to Kigali. That is six countries and seven flights. And 48 hours on an airplane. And I am not done yet. Tomorrow I fly to Uganda.

I don’t even know where to start in writing about this week. This week has been amazing. In being here, I have this deep sense of purpose or calling. I feel like I am at the intersection of what God created me to do, what fills me with joy – and these huge needs where I have a chance to make a difference. Tim Keller describes calling is something we have the ability, opportunity and desire to do. And I feel like I am getting a glimpse into what that will look like over the next decade.

The highlight of this week has been working with the artisans who are sewing the line for Noonday Collection and Matilda Jane. Again, I have so much more to write about these ladies, and I will write more soon. But for now, can I just say this? Something amazing happens when you give women the opportunity to do what they were created to do.

When you give a woman the ability to own a business, to work in community, to be creative and to take pride in her work – and through this the ability to provide for her children, you change the world for her family. Most likely none of her kids will be orphaned or abandoned. Her family has hope and a future.

This week I’ve also had the chance to talk with many different people who are involved with orphan care and adoption. Again, I am just blown away at how gracious God has been to me in setting up every detail of this trip. I’ve been able to sit down with people who are truly inspiring, to hear their stories and learn from their experience.

So there’s an update. I’ll try to write a bit more this week. But no promises….

In Defense of the Fatherless

I am in the process of writing a book, In Defense of the Fatherless: Redeeming International Adoption and Orphan Care. Here are some answers to questions you may have.

Why does there need to be another Christian book about orphans and adoption?

In recent years, evangelical Christians have awoken to God’s heart for orphans. In response, thousands of Christian families are considering adoption and churches are launching orphan care ministries. The purpose of this book is to examine why some responses to the orphan crisis, while good-intentioned, are misguided and ultimately harmful to vulnerable families and children. The book will challenge Christians to consider God’s heart for the orphan and the widow and the call to protect and provide for vulnerable families and children. Furthermore, the book will equip Christian families and ministries to ”redeem” international adoption and orphan care.

Learn to do good. Seek Justice. Correct Oppression. Bring justice to the fatherless. Plead the widow’s cause. (Isaiah 1:17)

Who am I to write this book?

I am just a mom. I am not an expert. Most of the articles about adoption and orphan care are written by lawyers and academics. Most Christian books on this subject are written by pastors. In many ways, I am unqualified to speak on the subject.

But like most of my readers, I am a mom. I am an adoptive parent. I am a Christian involved in orphan care ministry at my church and in my community. I don’t write as an authority on adoption. I write as a fellow pilgrim walking with my readers on a path set out for us by the Father of the Fatherless.

Why am I writing this book?

The Bible is clear that Christians are called to “bring justice to the fatherless,” (Isaiah 1:17). Christians have woken up to God’s heart for orphans, but in our passion for orphans, we are are ignoring increasingly widespread abuses in international adoption and orphan care. We believe there is an overwhelming need and we want to respond, but many of our actions are harming the very people we want to help.

We need to open our eyes. We need to look at the evidence for corruption in adoption and the harm done to children through institutional care. Good intentions are not enough. Doing something is not always better than doing nothing. We need to understand the impact of our actions. But we cannot stop there. We need to look at the orphan crisis with a Biblical worldview. We need to understand how God sees orphans and widows and what he calls us to do in response.

I hope you’ll take this journey with me. Join me in wrestling with the truth and in fighting for justice. A relentless pursuit of God’s heart for the widow and the orphan forms the heart of the book. It is only by the grace of God that I can write the truth with confidence and conviction.  Even as I write, I am praying for my readers. I pray that your hearts would be broken and your assumptions challenged, but that you would ultimately be inspired and encouraged.

What is the book going to be about?

In writing this book, I am have opened my Bible next to literally thousands of pages of research. My passion is to apply what the Bible has to say about orphans and widows to the world today. I am also in the process of interviewing dozens of adoptive families and orphan care ministries. As a writer, I’m a big believer in the power of stories to open eyes and change hearts. Throughout the book, I will share stories that both illustrate the widespread abuses in adoption and orphan care and how to do things differently.

The structure of this book is straightforward. In the first part, we will examine the nature of the orphan crisis. We will learn that some responses to the crisis, while good-intentioned, are misguided and ultimately harmful to vulnerable families and children.

In part two, we will dig into the Bible to seek God’s heart for the widow and the orphan. We will discover how God calls his people to get involved in protecting and providing for the “least of these,” (Matthew 25).

Finally, in part three we’ll get very practical. We will examine how to pursue adoption and orphan care differently in order to protect vulnerable families and children.

Wow, you really need to hear my story…

If you have a story you want to share with me about your experience related to international adoption or orphan care, please comment and I’ll be in touch. I am looking for stories. Likewise, I am looking for a “red team” of people willing to help me read and edit the book. If you share my passion for reforming adoption and orphan care, join me.

Sounds great. When can I read it?

As of May 2012, I am half way through writing the manuscript. I am beginning the process of seeking a publisher. This month I am traveling for research – first to the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit in California and then to Africa. I hope to have the manuscript complete by June and to publish sometime in 2012.

At Noonday Collection, we {heart} mothers

Noonday Collection offers jewelry and accessories that are unique and beautiful, just like the amazing moms in your life.

But even better, everything Noonday Collection sells comes with stories of lives transformed. Most of our artisans around the world are mothers. Mothers who love their families. Mothers who are struggling to provide for their families.

Motherhood is the hardest - and in many ways one of the most important - job in the world. Spending a few months in Uganda last year has given me a new understanding of how hard mothers around the world work to care for their children.

I was just filling a cup of water for my Ugandan daughter, Ella, and found myself close to tears. Realizing how often I take for granted that I can walk across the kitchen, push a button and give her a cup of clean water. Billions of people around the world do not have clean drinking water. Millions of mothers around the world spend their days walking miles carrying containers of water just to cook, clean and provide drinking water for their families. As I remember what I saw in Uganda, I feel thankful for what I have, but also a deep sense of humility. And responsibility.

Friends, we can make a difference. When you buy a gift for the mothers in your life from Noonday Collection, you are giving mothers in countries like Guatemala, Ethiopia and India a way to provide for their families through meaningful work. You are giving the mothers in your life a chance to feel beautiful and to know the story behind their unique jewlery and accessories. And you are helping our family bring Lana home, as well as giving back to support orphan care around the world. Shop online and order your Mother’s Day gifts by May 1. Let me know if you need any help picking out the perfect gift for your mother’s style!

Speaking of truth in Ugandan adoptions

There are and were ethical adoptions from Uganda however those are the few. We are not concerned about the ethical ones, its the unethical ones that are a problem that is why we need to work hard to straighten them.

The amount of child trafficking I have seen is unbelievable, someone needed to do something because unfortunately the unethical adoptions were the majority. Its unbelievable how many American parents have been conned and duped into adopting non orphans only to find out the truth later.

We are not coming out to expose this so that the programme shuts down, in fact if we don’t do anything, it could get shut down.  The unethical adoption facilitators are the majority and they are all out there.

If we really want to see ethical adoptions in Uganda then we have to advocate for just that! How do you do so without exposing the problem?

Its a tough truth but Ugandan adoptions are already on the road to being shut down.

I understand that the United States could just shut down without asking any questions- yes but remember they do orphan investigations and discover all this fraud before anybody else does. This means that its not A Child’s Voice that will cause them to make a move.

It’s very unbelievable how numbers of adopted children shot up by 300% in months, that really says something to me especially:- When I know that in over 90% of those cases, little or nothing was done to follow the continuum of alternative care prior to being referred for adoption.

And also that in over 99% of the cases, the children had never had a probation and social work report (they had never been visited by a social worker) until they had to court date for their adoption and that the adoptive parent is the one that paid for the report!

We also can not hide from the illegal institutionalization of innocent children, the corruption involved in the whole adoption process and the over charges. All this has to be dealt with and that is our passion.

Even if there was one child out of 100 children that was taken away from a family that loves them and trafficked into the hands of an unsuspecting adoptive parent, or a child that is illegally institutionalized as a transition to being trafficked wouldn’t you want to speak out for that one child? That’s what I understand the bible tells me to do; To  speak out for those who can’t speak for themselves.

Even if I agreed with you that the majority of adoptions were ethical, the way I look at it, its the same way I understand  the parable of the lost sheep (Mathew 18) I feel compelled to go and search for the one sheep leaving the 99 behind.

Orphans aren’t just in Africa…

Sometimes I feel like I am part of a special club. There are a small number of families we know who have adopted children from Africa. I am a white mama with a beautiful brown baby girl. To be honest, we get attention everywhere. Everyone knows our family because we are that family. The one who put so much on the line to give an AIDS orphan from Africa a home.

I’m going to tell you the truth. To be really honest.

I know that being motivated by what others think of me is sinful. It comes from a place of pride and idolatry. I’m currently just desperate for God to help me grow in humility (this may be why there is so much on my plate – I am overwhelmed and just desperate for Jesus to be enough). But sometimes the attention feels good. Sometimes I feel special to be one of those radical adoptive mamas. As I talk with other women about adoption, I often hear something a little like: “I just have to get me a black baby.”  On one hand, I get it. Ella is delicious. I love her black skin, as soft as silk. And her hair, while challenging, is so fun. I enjoy that adopting a black child has opened up a new world to our family. I love that our children are growing up with a different perspective of race and racism because their sister is black. And they adore her.

But on the other hand, I think as a Christian culture, we’re starting to miss the point.

Africa is hot.

And I don’t mean the weather.

Our generation has embraced everything we perceive as Africa. We wear t-shirts that say “I need Africa more than Africa needs me.” We’re going on short-term mission trips. We’re building orphanages. We’re asking for money for our birthdays to build wells. We’re buying shoes and glasses from companies like Toms and Warby Parker who give shoes and glasses to kids in Africa. We’re aware of poverty, war and suffering in Africa. We quote statistics about the impact of AIDS and Africa becoming a continent of orphans. And we’re adopting from Africa. Ethiopia, Uganda, Ghana, Rwanda and the Democratic Republic of Congo have all been popular sending countries for adoption in recent years. Africa is hot for adoption.

There are orphans in Africa. But there aren’t only orphans in Africa.

Recently a friend asked me a great question. Her family feels called to adopt. They have Uganda on their hearts. Their eyes are open and they are aware with the problems with adoption in Uganda. They are open to adopting a child who is a little older or who has special needs. But they are having a hard time finding a child who is waiting for adoption in Uganda. They are starting to wonder if they should consider adopting from another country. But they feel torn.

When we talk about Africa, we often talk about the overwhelming need. We don’t talk about the amazing strength of African families and communities. We talk about what is broken. Not about what is working. And this shapes how we think about orphans in Africa. If we see Africa as a hopeless, messed up continent full of orphans who need to be rescued, we see ourselves as the heroes. But in many ways, Africans are doing an amazing job taking care of African orphans. In many countries in Africa, more than 95% of the “orphans” are being cared for by their surviving parents, older siblings, and extended family.

We think there are millions of orphans in Africa who need to be adopted. But the truth is that a relatively small number of children in Africa truly need international adoption. In many countries, the “demand” – families willing to adopt – is greater than the “supply” – children who need adoption. In Uganda, for example, a growing number of families are competing to find children available for adoption. And even families open to children who are older or who have special needs are finding that there aren’t many children waiting.

Yet so many families who feel called to adopt from Africa because the perceived need is so great will not consider adopting from countries where there are children waiting for families.

This issue became very real to our family this year. When we heard about Lana, my first thoughts were very mixed. On one hand, I was thankful she is in a country that is part of the Hague Convention where corruption is not an issue in adoptions. On the other hand, I wasn’t sure I wanted to adopt a white child. I had a few reasons why, some more noble than others, but mixed in there was the understanding that adopting from Eastern Europe isn’t as popular as adopting from Africa.

Right now, there are real problems in most African adoption programs. Problems that are fueled by parents who are desperate to adopt a child who is in such great need. At the same time, there are countries in Asia, Latin America and Eastern Europe that have ethical adoption programs and where literally thousands of children are waiting for families. Friends, this should not be. Adopting from Africa is no better than adopting from Colombia, Thailand, or down the street. So I would challenge those of you who are waiting many months or years to adopt a child from Africa to open your eyes and consider children who are waiting right now for families because they aren’t black.

What do you think?