Life Change Units | How to count a crazy year?

The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale is a list of 43 stressful life events that can cause illness. Developed nearly half a century ago, the scale tries to quantify “Life Change Units” to predict how much is too much. A score of less than 150 means you are at a low risk for illness. A score of 150-299 equals a moderate risk. A score of 300+ means you are at a high risk of illness. Since we’ve had a year with a lot of change, I thought it might be interesting to take a little quiz to see how we stack up.

Last year our family scored a whopping 696. That’s more than double the this much is too much number.

Here’s a quick look back at our 2012:

Mark studied, rocked the GMAT and applied for graduate school. He traveled to London to interview. He was offered a new job in London and a place in the Executive MBA program at London Business School.

We sold our house for half of what we bought it for. We sold or donated more than half our stuff.

We downsized from 3500 to 1200 square feet.

We sold our cars. When we lived in Seattle, driving the kids to school, church and activities was almost a full-time job. Now we do not own a car. We walk or take the train everywhere. Even in the rain.

I spent more than 80 hours in May on an airplane. I flew from Seattle to San Francisco to London to Los Angeles to Amsterdam to Nairobi to Kigali to Entebbe back to Amsterdam to Dallas and finally home to Seattle. Mark had the kids by himself for a month.

I poured my heart into growing my Noonday Collection business – and then had to sell my samples and let it go when we moved.

I had this crazy idea to write a book that would offend almost everyone.

We moved in with our in laws while our stuff was in a shipping container bobbing across the atlantic ocean.

We had to say goodbye to family and friends.

We had to leave our church.

We had to leave our kids wonderful schools.

I had to stop grocery shopping at Trader Joes.

We moved to London.

Moving required flying from Seattle to London with 4 kids, 13 suitcases, to strollers and a bicycle. Somehow one crazy taxi driver fit all of us and all of our stuff in one taxi. Please take a moment and try to picture this.

When we first arrived in London, we couldn’t move into our house – so we spent the first two months traveling around London, Paris and Geneva. This would have been awesome except both Mark and I were still working. And we were in the middle of potty training our 1 and 3 year olds. And London was insane because of the Olympics. And the grumpy old men in Paris hate children. And a loaf of bread costs like $13 in Swizterland.

And for the first two months of life in Europe, Ella had a pathological hatred for all public transportation. The Tube, the Metro, the TGV: she despised it all. And she would freak out every time the wheels of the buggy left the pavement. The nicest thing someone said to me over the summer was “wow, she could be an opera singer.” Many other people said things that were not so nice, leaving me and my blistered feet in a puddle of tears almost every day.

I love London, but Londoners are rude. Living in London with children is like a crash course in assertiveness.

Once we settled into our new home, we discovered all sorts of new challenges.

We couldn’t turn on the heat. Not a big deal in August, but by October when it was 38 and raining sideways, it was a problem. We couldn’t figure out the dryer. The foxes tore up our rubbish and left nappies strewn across our garden and sidewalk. A pipe burst under our sink on Christmas day. When we jumped up and down in the kitchen, water would squeeze through the boards. Thank goodness it’s a rental?

We had to fit the contents of our large walk in closet into a tiny wardrobe.

We had to get our children into schools in London. This isn’t on the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, but it should be. Getting into a good primary school in London is harder than getting into a top tier graduate school.

We tried to adopt a little girl. We were heartbroken when we couldn’t bring her home.

But little by little, we started building a new life here in London.

Our kids were accepted into lovely schools. They adore their teachers and are making friends.

Mark survived his first quarter of graduate school. So did I!

We joined a church. We made a few friends.

We bought better shoes. Because life is too short to wear shoes that hurt. Target makes shoes great for walking from your car in the parking lot into the store, around the store and back out to your car. But Target shoes are horrible for walking all day in the city.

We learned how to turn on the heat and to use the dryer. The plumber fixed the pipes under the sink. We’re out foxing the foxes.

We learned how to navigate London with a buggy. I now have no problem yelling at a train car full of people who are staring at their smart phones, pretending not to notice that I am trying to squeeze my 4 children on the train before someone falls in the gap.

We figured out how to shop for groceries without Trader Joes – and without a car.

After 8 years as a stay at home mom, I wrote a resume and applied for a job working in ethical fashion in London. I interviewed and much to my surprise was offered the job. We found a nanny and a house cleaner.  And I went back to work. In ethical fashion. In London. 

And that’s just the beginning.

After so much change, we’re just barely coming up for air. When I look back at the last year, I’m truly thankful that we’re doing as well as we are. Other than a few sniffles, we’re all in good health. Take that Holmes and Rahe. It’s nothing but grace. It has been a crazy year. Moving overseas is hard. Even though London is feeling more like home, we miss our friends, our families, and the city we’ve called home for most of our lives.

We know we are exactly where we are supposed to be. We’re doing what God’s called us to do.

Somehow this was all his crazy plan. To be honest, we’re hoping life will settle down a bit in 2013. But knowing our family, this may be wishful thinking. Truth is we have some big dreams over the next few years. But for now, we’re excited to be where we are. To love our children and neighbors. To do the work God’s put in front of us. To worship God and serve this city with our church family.

Redeeming Santa | Reclaiming the heart of Christmas

When our son Asher was born 8 years ago my husband Mark and I had to figure out the whole Santa thing. Both of us grew up in families where Santa brought gifts on Christmas morning. Both of us eventually discovered the truth about Santa, but we had very different reactions.

Mark felt betrayed that his parents had lied to him about Santa and did not want mislead our children about the true meaning of Christmas. On the other hand, I thought the whole Santa thing was harmless fun. Over the years, how we “do” Santa as a family has evolved.

For our family, Christmas is a celebration of God reaching out in love to rescue us. It is a time we remember the mirace of our faith.

But we recognize that for most of our neighbors, Christmas is about Santa. It’s about gifts and cookies, presents and parties – about celebrating with the people they love. Before we moved to London, we lived in the most wonderful neighborhood. We loved our neighbors. And we wanted to celebrate the holidays with the people we loved.

And so we were faced with a question: how do we respond to culture as Christians who believe Christmas is about Jesus not Santa?

Do we embrace the whole Santa thing so that we can love and celebrate with our neighbors? We didn’t want our kids to be the ones spoiling the magic for others, blurting out “Santa’s not real” at the neighborhood Christmas party. But we also didn’t want Christmas to be all about stuff.

One of the most helpful things our family learned in the years we were members at Mars Hill Church in Seattle is how to engage with culture as Christians: receive, reject, redeem. We applied this to how we celebrated Christmas and the holidays with our neighbors, who were from many different faiths and backgrounds.

Receive. As Western culture has been deeply influenced by Christian tradition, there is much about Christmas culture that we can simply receive, celebrate and enjoy. In our neighborhood we had a tradition of gathering to sing Christmas carols and collect food for a food bank. As Christians, we could simply embrace this opportunity to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas.

Reject. What about Christmas parties? Our neighbors threw great parties – but these parties often involved getting drunk. As Christians we believe that drinking is not a sin, but getitng drunk is. So while we loved to go parties and celebrate with our neighbors, we decided to be sensible – to have fun without getting drunk.

Redeem. This is where Santa comes in. As a family, we decided to teach our children about the real Santa. St. Nicholas was a real man who lived a long time ago. He was orphaned as a teenager. When his parents died, he inherited a lot of money. He became known for his generosity. He loved God and loved people – especially children. The real Santa gave freely to help the poor and to fight injustice.

Now this is a Santa that we can embrace. For our family, remembering and following the example of the real Santa is a way to reclaim Christmas from consumerism. Instead of focusing on the gifts we want to receive, we remember how much we have been given and we delight in giving to others who are in need.

Shop differently. Think before you buy. There are so many incredible businesses selling fair-trade, ethical, handmade goods. Shop on Etsy, upcycle something from Goodwill, buy jewelry from Noonday Collection or clothes from People Tree. Enjoy giving gifts that make a difference in the world.

Celebrate simply. Christmas doesn’t have to be insane. I normally drive myself crazy with lists this time of year. Places to go, people to see, stuff to buy. But this year – mostly because we’re new in London -  I have no crazy list. I have zero expectations of making Christmas perfect. And it feels good. It feels like a huge accomplishment that we got a Christmas tree. And do you want to know the truth? Most of the stuff on my lists was not really essential. We don’t miss it. Christmas this year will be simple – and I’m okay with it. You should be too. Stop looking at Pinterest and just give your kids a hug or eat a cookie. Simple.

What about your family? What do you do to make Christmas meaningful, intentional, missional?

Tylenol and toddlers | Please read and share

For today, I want to share a critically important message with you. We spent most of this week at the hospital with Ella. It was scary and painful. We want to make sure other families know how to keep their children safe!

Do you keep a small container of Tylenol or other medication in your purse or laptop bag? What about in your gym bag or desk at work? Or a suitcase when you travel?

I don’t know how many times I’ve read how-to articles about packing light or simplifying that suggest putting medication in a small plastic container. Mark and I have traveled a lot – between us we’ve been to nearly 40 countries – and we are serious about packing light. We’ve spent months living out of small backpacks. Even when we travel with our children, we do everything we can to minimize and simplify. Often this means putting things we need, such as toiletries and medication, in small containers.

We never thought this could put one of our children’s lives at risk.

My beautiful two-year old daughter is in this ambulance. When we left the house with the paramedics, she was alert and confused why Mom and Dad were so upset. Ten minutes later, by the time we reached the hospital, she was limp and disoriented.

On Wednesday, I was playing with my little girls in the bedroom while my husband Mark was on an important call for work in the living room. We were playing with the girls’ hair clips and headbands. When Mark finished with his call, I went into the living room to ask how it went. I thought the girls were continuing to play dress up.

Literally moments later, Ella walked into the room holding an empty plastic container. She had a few pills in her mouth. We quickly realized the container had been full of Tylenol (also called paracetamol or acetaminophen). Mark kept the small plastic container – about half the size of a film canister – in his messenger bag when he traveled in case he got a headache.

In just a couple of minutes, the girls had opened Mark’s bag, gone through the zippered pockets, dumped out a bag with things like chapstick and lotion, found the container of medicine, and consumed the contents.

Before you think wow, this family must be really irresponsible, let me tell you we’re not. At home, we keep medication, cleaning supplies, knives, lighters – basically anything that could be dangerous to our children – way out of reach. We childproof our home. We eat mostly organic. We lock the doors. We talk with our kids about safety rules and what to do in case of an emergency. We are careful, responsible, dedicated parents. I think this could happen to anyone and that’s why I’m writing this blog – and hoping that you will share it with all the parents in your life.

What happened next was terrifying. We are in a foreign country trying to adopt our fifth child. We called our doctor at home to ask what to do and they said go to the emergency room now. We called our lawyer who called for an ambulance and we went directly to the hospital.

What is so dangerous about Tylenol? For a 2-year-old, eating just a half-dozen tablets of Tylenol could be toxic – and could cause liver failure or even death. If your child eats even a small amount of Tylenol, get help right away. If you wait to see if they seem sick, it could be too late.

I am not a doctor and I don’t fully understand what happens when a child consumes a toxic amount of Tylenol. Remember that for a toddler this could be just half a dozen tablets. What I do know is that a child who gets into and eats Tylenol might seem fine at first. They may have no symptoms. You might not even know they found and ate the medicine. Most children who consume a toxic amount of Tylenol will be fine for the first day. But somewhere between 24 and 72 hours later, the child may develop liver failure. The damage to the liver can be severe, necessitating a liver transplant or even leading to death.

This is Ella, our 2 year old daughter whom we adopted from Uganda, sleeping peacefully in the Latvian sun. We’re so thankful Ella is okay after this week!

We do not know exactly how much Tylenol Ella ate, but we now know it was enough that it could have put her life at risk.

Thankfully, we called our doctor right away. We did not wait to see if Ella was okay. The doctor told us to go to the emergency room immediately. We were able to get to the hospital quickly. At the hospital, the doctors rushed to empty the contents of Ella’s stomach. They put in an IV and gave her fluids and medication to stop the Tylenol from damaging her liver. This treatment worked. Ella spent more than 48 hours in the hospital under close observation. These days were painful for Ella – and scary for us. Thankfully, the treatment worked and Ella is back home with our family.

Two important takeaways:

1. Never keep any medication in a container that is not childproof. If you have young children, you need to do this right now. Go through your purse, backpack, suitcase, messenger bag, gym bag, desk, kitchen and bathroom cabinets – basically anywhere you might keep medication - and make sure everything is kept in child-proof containers and out of reach. Dads and grandparents - this includes you too!
2. If you ever suspect that your child has gotten into medication such as Tylenol, call your doctor right away. Do not wait to see if they are okay. Tylenol poisoning is dangerous because by the time you see serious symptoms, it is too late and significant damage has already been done to the child’s liver.

Here is a link to an article with more information about Tylenol, also called acetaminophen or paracetamol, toxicity.

Orphan care without orphanages | Ten ways to make a lasting difference

Do you have a heart for orphans? Are you a family who has adopted – or who feels called to adopt? Are you a Christian pastor or leader who wants to start an orphan care ministry?

In recent years, Christians have awoken to God’s heart for the Fatherless. We have been told there is an orphan crisis – that there are 163 million orphans in the world today. Our hearts are broken, imaginging millions of children growing up with no mother, no father, no one to say I love you, you are mine.

When Christians hear about the orphan crisis, we want to do something to help. Some families adopt. Others go on a mission trip to visit orphans. But most Christians who want to get involved in orphan care focus on building or supporting an orphanage – or sponsoring an orphan. On one hand, we know orphanages are not good for kids. We know orphanages have largely been replaced by foster care in the United States.

But we assume that communities in the developing world are unwilling or unable – as a result of poverty we cannot imagine – to care for the growing number of orphans. We think there are no alternatives to orphanages. And so we pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into buildings. We send missionaries. We hire staff. We think this is the only way to care for orphans in places like Haiti or Uganda.

But is it possible to care for orphans without orphanages?

Yes.

The first thing we need to understand – and the way Christians talk about the orphan crisis typically misses this truth – is that most of the world’s orphans are already living in families.  I’ve written about the global orphan crisis before. Remember most of the world’s orphans have families – and that these families are often vulnerable to poverty and exploitation. So whatever we do for the sake of James 1:27, remember widows and orphans. Not just orphans.

 If you are a Christian pastor, leader, church planter or missionary who is interested in starting an orphan care ministry, this is especially important for you. There are alternatives to building orphanages that are less expensive, more sustainable and better for the children, families, churches and communities we’re called to serve.

1. Give women access to medical care during pregnancy and birth to prevent children being orphaned when their mothers die in childbirth. A safe birth kit from Mercy for Mamas costs just $7. Caring for a child in an orphanage costs upwards of $1000 a year.
2. Set up a savings circle to give a community of vulnerable families access to capitol. Want to learn more about savings circles? Check out the work of Hope International.
3. Empower a woman to start a business by giving her a microenterprise loan. In many countries, if you can empower a woman to make about $100 a month, she can provide safe housing, food, medical care and an education to her family. Check out Kiva.
4. Sponsor a child in a family, not in an orphanage. Make sure the ministry you sponsor through is committed to sustainable development and works through local churches or communities. I think Compassion has a solid approach.
5. Chickens, pigs, ducks, oh my! In many rural communities in the developing world, one of the most effective ways to help families earn a sustainable income is by helping them farm and raise animals. Read about the work of Food for the Hungry.
6. Buy beautiful, handmade goods from artisans around the world. Many of the artisan groups Noonday Collection works with in Uganda, Rwanda, Ethiopia and around the world give families a path out of poverty. This prevents children from being abandoned.
7. Encourage Christians all around the world to get involved in foster care and adoption. The Orphan Sunday movement led by Christian Alliance for Orphans is challenging belivers everywhere to care for orphans in families instead of institutions. It has already had an incredible impact in countries like Ukraine, bringing together churches and challenging thousands of families to get involved in orphan care and adoption.
8. Plant or partner with a church intead of building an orphanage. Come alongside this church to encourage the local Christians to protect and provide for the orphans and widows in their community. Churches can play an important role in developing networks of foster care. Read about Casa Viva. Churches can also provide financial support to families who are called to care for orphans.
9. Challenge men to step up to be husbands and fathers who protect and provide for women and children. This is seldom talked about as a part of orphan care, but much of the brokeness at the root of the orphan crisis is caused by men abdicating their Biblical responsibility. Only Jesus can change the hearts of the fathers. Watch this video from Sojourn, a church plant in Uganda.
10. Protect orphans and widows from exploitation. Child trafficking, slavery, forced prostitution, illegal property seizure…Christians are called to defend orphans and widows. One of the ministries that does this with excellence is International Justice Mission.

If you are thinking about starting an orphan care ministry, would you consider these alternatives?

What do you think can make a lasting difference in the lives of orphans and vulnerable families in the developing world?

I am writing in much greater depth about orphanages and orphan care in my book, In Defense of the Fatherless, which will hopefully be published in early 2013. If you want to learn more about these issues, please subscribe to follow Family Hope Love!

September at Family Hope Love

It’s September. This means a few things.

The first is that summer is over. In July, our family moved to London. Like many Brits, we spent a few weeks in August on holiday in France. Well, it was sort of a holiday. I kept writing my book and Mark kept working. But we enjoyed the sun and drank really good wine. We ate way too much pastry, bread, chocolate and cheese. We unplugged and let our to do lists be undone. But now our holidays are over. We’ve moved into our new house and we’re nearly settled. So it’s time to get back at it.

The second is my kids are headed back to school. For the first time in many years, I will have a few hours a day when the house is quiet. My boys will be in school every day. And my daughter still naps in the afternoon. I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am. I am really looking forward to having more time to blog and to write my book. Over the last few years, I have really fallen in love with writing. I really need to write. If I am not blogging, I keep my husband up at night thinking out loud. Which would be really bad because of this next thing.

The third thing is Mark is headed to grad school. To be honest, I am jealous. Most women shop for shoes or look at recipes online when they are bored. Not me. I look at graduate school programmes. I really get excited thinking about doing research and writing essays. Totally nuts I know. Anyway. Getting an MBA at London Business School will occupy most of Mark’s time in the evenings – which means I will have more time to write.

And the fourth thing is my friend Megan invited me to be a part of a giveaway on her blog this week. I met Megan and her husband Chris a few years ago. Their daughter, Sienna, is exactly the same age as our Gabrielle – even though they were born something like 9,000 miles apart. Megan is one of the most transparent, intentional people I have ever met. I want to encourage you to check out her new blog today: Out of Her Heart. To enter Megan’s giveaway {which starts at 9 am in California}, you need to subscribe to Megan’s blog. You can also enter by subscribing to Family Hope Love or my other blog, From Mom to Mum!

That was supposed to be a short intro. Woops. 400 words later…I am ready to launch into this new season. Will you join me?

Many of you have been reading my blog and following our journey for a few years. If you are new to Family Hope Love, I want to tell you a little about me and what this blog is about. As our family moves into a new season here in London, I am excited to focus in on a few topics very close to my heart.

My name is Sara. I am a child of God who has been saved by grace. I have been married to the love of my life for more than a decade. We have four – soon to be five – children. We adopted our daughter Gabrielle from Uganda. We’re in the process of adopting one more little girl, Lana, from Latvia. Our family lives in London. I love to write and God has called me to write a book.

Family Hope Love a blog about a family following God’s heart for the least of these. I write about adoption and orphan care, ministries of mercy and justice, and our journey as family living intentionally in London. My passion in writing is to challenge, encourage and equip families to follow the Father of the Fatherless.

I would love it if you would subscribe to follow our journey! There is a link to subscribe on the sidebar. Likewise, if you a question you would like me to answer or a story you would like to share, please contact me. There’s a link to contact me on the top menu.

When do regulations become red tape? | Redeeming international adoption

Over the last six months as I’ve been writingIn Defense of the Fatherless, our family has also been in the process of adopting one more little girl.

My book takes a hard look at corruption in international adoption – and how we as Christians should respond. The Bible is clear that we are called to protect and provide for orphans, widows and the least of these. I have been wrestling with the question: how do we defend orphans in a messy, broken world?

I believe children need families.

They need families more than they need anything else in the world. More than clothing, shoes, education, even food and water. This conviction is rooted in the Bible. God the Father, Son and Spirit are a family. We are created in the image of God. Family is part of God’s design. Mothers and fathers are called to protect and provide, to steward and nuture children. Our families are intended to be a reflection of the family of God. Families are to be communities of sacrificial love and overflowing grace.

If children need families, our primary mission in defending orphans is defending their right to grow up with a family.

There are 163 million orphans in the world today. This means 163 million children who have experienced the loss of one or both parents. But most of the world’s orphans live with their families: with their surviving mother or father, or with another caring relative. As Christians, we should defend the rights of children to grow up with their families, even if these families are vulnerable. These orphans do not need new families. This makes sense. If my husband died, I would be a widow and our children would counted among the world’s orphans. But they would not be alone, without the love and care of a family. If my husband died, life would be hard. Our family would be suddenly vulnerable. But the last thing I would want is to be separated from my children. So whenever possible, we need to defend the right of orphans to remain with their families.

At the same time, there are millions of orphans in the world who are truly in need of new families. Some of these children have experienced the death of both of their parents as a result of AIDS or war. Some of these children have been abandoned. Others have been separated from their families by abuse or neglect. Their families are broken and it would not be safe for these children to return home. These children do not need orphanages or institutions. They need families who will love, nuture, protect and provide.

But this is where it gets complicated. And where people take sides.

There is widespread corruption in international adoption. In many countries, a lack of regulation of the adoption process means that children are trafficked for the purpose of international adoption. Children are bought and sold. Poor families are bribed or coerced into plaicng their children for adoption. Sometimes adoptive parents turn a blind eye to the corruption. They don’t ask questions. They are unwilling to walk away even when they discover  corruption in their adoptions. They have been told there is an orphan crisis and they are willing to adopt at any cost.

Critics of adoption look at this mess and jump to conclusions. Some go so far as to say that all international adoptions are corrupt, that all adopted children are trafficked. They argue international adoption needs more regulation.

This is true. But it is not the whole truth.

Some regulations do serve to protect vulnerable families and children from trafficking. But many regulations make the adoption process more difficult and expensive. These regulations become red tape preventing orphans from being adopted.

Very few countries in the world are open to international adoption. Even fewer countries prioritize the needs of orphans and vulnerable children. Most international adoptions are from a small number of sending countries – not because there are more orphans in those countries but because most of the rest of the world is closed to international adoption. Likewise, many countries that are open to international adoption make it  impossible for many good families to adopt. There are restrictions based on age, religion, family size, income, health and weight. Furthermore, the adoption process in many countries is difficult and expensive, requiring adoptive families to travel for months at a time or costing more than $30,000. Altogether this means that thousands or perhaps millions of children who could benefit from international adoption wait – growing up in orphanages or on the streets or in poor quality foster care – because of red tape.

None of this makes sense.

If governments were prioritizing the needs of orphans and vulnerable children – and seeing that more than anything else in the world children need families – adoption would not be this hard.

There would be laws in place to protect vulnerable families and to prevent children from being trafficked for international adoption. Governments would take corruption in adoption seriously. These laws would consider fraud, coercion and the buying of children for the purpose of adoption trafficking – and would hold those responsible for trafficking legally accountable. These laws would make sure that adoptive parents are highly qualified. These regulations would carefully protect children.

But at the same time, these regulations would not prevent children who are truly in need of new families from being adopted. If governments prioritized the needs of the fatherless, adoption would be easier, faster and less expensive.

We know that governments seldom prioritize the needs of the least of these. But we – as the people of God – have no excuse. God calls himself the Father of the fatherless and the Defender of widows. We need to prioritize the needs of orphans and widows. We need to the defend the right of vulnerable families to remain together – and defend the right of children who are truly alone in the world to be adopted.

What does this mean for our family?

We are trying to adopt this sweet little girl from Eastern Europe. Her name is Lana. She was abandoned in the hospital shortly after she was born. Lana is living in an orphanage. She is HIV positive. She lives in a country where fear of HIV keeps her from being adopted domestically. Lana is legally free for international adoption.

We’ve completed our home study, our immigration paperwork and almost our entire dossier. We are waiting on one document. As we have moved to London in the middle of our adoption process, this one document has become a bit of a road block. We’re having a hard time finding the right way to get it done. Finding a way forward is taking much longer than we expected.

Regulation in international adoption is good, but it is frustrating when it makes the process harder, longer and more expensive. This is where we are at. We are waiting patiently, hoping for a path forward, trusting that God will bring Lana home.

I believe everyone involved wants Lana to be adopted, but working through the details is not easy. Would you please join us in praying for our paperwork? Pray that everyone involved would care about the sweet girl in this photo as much as we do. Pray that we would not grow weary in doing good.

Living as an adoptive family in London is hard. We feel very alone. In Seattle, we knew dozens of other adoptive families. Here in London, international adoption is rare. The UK makes international adoption difficult and only recently allowed white families to adopt black children domestically. All of this means that our family is very conspicuous. Many people are kind and curious about adoption. Others are critical. Discrimination is very real in London – and there seems to be a very real divide between people of African or Eastern Europe heritage and the British. As an American, African, Eastern European family walking around in this city, we will be challenging many peoples assumptions. Answering questions about adoption is a tremendous opportunity to share our hearts and even the Gospel – but it’s also exhausting.

With this exhaustion comes a weariness. I am tempted to despair, to worry that living as an adoptive family in London might be more than I can do. I know I cannot rely on my own strength. And I also know that this is where God wants us to be. And that we should expect opposition if we are following Jesus. So please pray for renewed strength as we try to honor Jesus and love this city.

Please also pray for Lana to come home. And if you feel led, would you consider giving to support our adoption? We’re the featured family on Give1Save1 this week. We’re asking everyone to give $1 – and to challenge their friends and family to do the same. Click here to learn more.

A simple idea that could change everything

Have you heard of Give1Save1?

A few months ago my friend Wynne and her husband Steven were the featured family on Give1Save1. Wynne and Steven are in the process of adopting two beautiful babies from Ethiopia. I met them at Together for Adoption last October. Wynne is also a Noonday Collection Ambassador. She’s in Ethiopia right now waiting to bring Camp and Asher (a girl!) home.

What is Give1Save1?

The idea is simple. Challenge thousands of people to give just $1 a week to help an orphan to have a forever family. One dollar is pretty much nothing by itself. But when thousands of people give $1, it can make a huge difference in helping a family afford the cost of adoption. And when thousands of people do this every week for a year, more than 50 orphans becomes sons and daughters. And when the idea grows so that Give1Save1 can feature families adopting from Africa, Asia, Latin America and Europe every week, literally hundreds of children who are fatherless are given the great blessing of a family.

The timing could not be better. We’re still trying to sort out the details of our dossier paperwork – and some of these details are expensive. With moving to London, our adoption expenses have increased significantly. We’re trusting that the God who turned water into wine is at work – that he will bring our beautiful Lana home. But we really cannot do it alone. Would you consider donating at least $1 to our adoption this week? And would you challenge your friends and family to do the same?

Check out our video on Give1Save1 here!

As a side note, adoption is difficult and expensive for families living in the UK. As a result, international adoption is rare. Every day we seem to have an opportunity to share our adoption story and I hope – and pray – that we may be a part of an awakening in our church and our community. We just watched a documentary on BBC about foster care in London. The young man featured on the show grew up in foster care in the neighborhood we’re living in right now. The documentary broke my heart and – like the documentary about sex trafficking in Eastern Europe the other night – left me in tears. I have so much more to say about this.

Would you join us in praying for Lana? Would you consider helping us get the word out about Give1Save1 this week? Thank you!

And if you haven’t seen it yet, please check out my new blog about our London adventure: From Mom to Mum.

Big changes for our family and my blog

How are things in London?

Living in London is going to be hard. Exhausting. Overwhelming. At least at first. This has really hit home this week.

We moved our family of six from Seattle to London two weeks ago. At first being in London felt like a dream. Mark did not have to go into the office last week, so we spent our time exploring our new city. This week, however, Mark had to go into the office…and I had to learn how to do life in London as a mama with four small children. We had to register our children for school, meet their new teachers, and generally set up the details of life: cell phones, bank accounts, groceries, travel cards. We do not have a car, so we’re doing all of this by foot, bus and train. By the end of each day this week, I just wanted to collapse. I was too tired to cry. The whole experience is just overwhelming.

It is one thing to visit London. It is something else to live here with children. Especially as a white mama of a beautiful black baby. International adoption is uncommon in the United Kingdom. Likewise, the UK only recently changed the laws to allow families to adopt a child of a different ethnic, cultural or racial background. Furthermore, most families in London are small. The cost of living is high and life in the city is hard. As a result, most families have only one or two children – or elect to move outside the city. So our family stands out. Never in my life have I felt like so many people were watching me - questioning if I was a good enough mum or what I was doing with all these children. I’ve been asked over and over again if they are mine. And I always say yes. But it is still hard.

To follow our adventure in London, visit our new blog From Mom to Mum.

We knew that adopting while also moving to London would be a challenge. Over the last few weeks, we’ve been trying to figure out some final details of our dossier paperwork. We wanted to send our dossier to Eastern Europe about two weeks ago, but we are waiting on two things. While I do not need to get into the details, I would simply ask you to pray. God’s timing is perfect. Pray that we would rest in his timing. Pray that the paperwork would get done, that we could send it soon, and that we would be officially matched with Lana.

On Thursday night, Mark and I snuggled and watched a BBC documentary about sex trafficking in Eastern Europe. We don’t know anything about Lana’s birth mom, but she is living in a city where sex trafficking and forced prostitution are common. It is in some ways the Las Vegas of Europe, the place where men go to commit all sorts of sin. The city where Lana lives is beautiful, but it is best known as a place to go to get wasted and sleep with prostitutes. As a result, this city has the highest rate of HIV/AIDS in Europe.

A few years ago, God broke our hearts for Africa. When we heard about this little girl in Eastern Europe, we knew he was calling us to pursue adopting her, but we were also perplexed. Why would God call us to adopt a child from Eastern Europe when we have such a heart for Africa? Little by little, God’s giving us his heart for Lana’s country. He’s breaking our hearts for the things that break his. He’s preparing our hearts to love Lana.

We’re hoping to be officially matched with Lana in the next few weeks. And we’re hoping to travel to bring her home sometime in September or October. There are a lot of details to work out, but we know God is at work.

We are so thankful for everyone who has given generously to help us bring Lana home already!

Friends, family and strangers have given around $7,000 to Lana’s Fig Fund through Project Hopeful. In addition, we earned approximately $4,000 through Noonday Collection and a little over $2,000 from our garage sale. We were able to use our savings to pay for some adoption expenses as well. We’ve paid for our home study, immigration approval and background checks, adoption agency fees, dossier fees and translation costs. Thank you to everyone who has made this possible!

We’ve come a long way, but we’re not done. Over the next few months we will need to pay our lawyer, travel expenses and visa fees. With moving to London, we also have to pay for a home study update and for our social worker to travel to complete the update. As it looks like our court date will not be until the fall, we may also need to pay someone to watch the boys here in London while we’re adopting Lana. The amount we still need to raise to complete the adoption and bring Lana home is $8,500. We need to raise $2,500 before the end of July.

We have a few things planned! From July 23 to 30, we will be doing a giveaway on Family Hope Love and on From Mom to Mum to help bring Lana home. I will explain all the details on Monday. Would you consider helping us by spreading the word?

If you have a blog, use Facebook or Twitter, would you consider helping me get the word out next week? We have a few awesome prizes including jewelry from Noonday Collection, prints from Naptime Diaries and even a new car seat from Britax! Likewise, if you want to donate something that we can giveaway, let me know. Ideas of things that would work in the giveaway include handmade items, books, jewelry, or even services like blog design or photography.

If you feel led to give to help us bring Lana home, you can give to Lana’s Fig Fund through Project Hopeful by clicking the link on my sidebar. All donations are tax-deductable and we’re totally accountable to Project Hopeful to make sure everything is spent on Lana’s adoption. Thank you.

With all of the changes in our lives over the last six weeks, I’ve had to put writing on hold while I focus on my family. This has been hard. My heart is completely in this book. I know it is something God has called me to do. But writing the book is less important than following Jesus and loving my husband and children. So for this season of transition, I’ve had to let it go. A little.

As we’re settling into life here, I’m hoping to get into a rhythm with writing again. We have almost six weeks before Mark begins grad school in September. Between now and then, I am hoping to finish most of the manuscript. I am also almost ready to send the proposal to publishers. For everyone who has offered to share their stories, to edit, or to otherwise be involved in this book project, thank you for your patience!

This post is already way too long. So I will stop writing now. Thank you for reading!

Protected: This week is huge | please join us in prayer

In Defense of the Fatherless

I am in the process of writing a book, In Defense of the Fatherless: Redeeming International Adoption and Orphan Care. Here are some answers to questions you may have.

Why does there need to be another Christian book about orphans and adoption?

In recent years, evangelical Christians have awoken to God’s heart for orphans. In response, thousands of Christian families are considering adoption and churches are launching orphan care ministries. The purpose of this book is to examine why some responses to the orphan crisis, while good-intentioned, are misguided and ultimately harmful to vulnerable families and children. The book will challenge Christians to consider God’s heart for the orphan and the widow and the call to protect and provide for vulnerable families and children. Furthermore, the book will equip Christian families and ministries to ”redeem” international adoption and orphan care.

Learn to do good. Seek Justice. Correct Oppression. Bring justice to the fatherless. Plead the widow’s cause. (Isaiah 1:17)

Who am I to write this book?

I am just a mom. I am not an expert. Most of the articles about adoption and orphan care are written by lawyers and academics. Most Christian books on this subject are written by pastors. In many ways, I am unqualified to speak on the subject.

But like most of my readers, I am a mom. I am an adoptive parent. I am a Christian involved in orphan care ministry at my church and in my community. I don’t write as an authority on adoption. I write as a fellow pilgrim walking with my readers on a path set out for us by the Father of the Fatherless.

Why am I writing this book?

The Bible is clear that Christians are called to “bring justice to the fatherless,” (Isaiah 1:17). Christians have woken up to God’s heart for orphans, but in our passion for orphans, we are are ignoring increasingly widespread abuses in international adoption and orphan care. We believe there is an overwhelming need and we want to respond, but many of our actions are harming the very people we want to help.

We need to open our eyes. We need to look at the evidence for corruption in adoption and the harm done to children through institutional care. Good intentions are not enough. Doing something is not always better than doing nothing. We need to understand the impact of our actions. But we cannot stop there. We need to look at the orphan crisis with a Biblical worldview. We need to understand how God sees orphans and widows and what he calls us to do in response.

I hope you’ll take this journey with me. Join me in wrestling with the truth and in fighting for justice. A relentless pursuit of God’s heart for the widow and the orphan forms the heart of the book. It is only by the grace of God that I can write the truth with confidence and conviction.  Even as I write, I am praying for my readers. I pray that your hearts would be broken and your assumptions challenged, but that you would ultimately be inspired and encouraged.

What is the book going to be about?

In writing this book, I am have opened my Bible next to literally thousands of pages of research. My passion is to apply what the Bible has to say about orphans and widows to the world today. I am also in the process of interviewing dozens of adoptive families and orphan care ministries. As a writer, I’m a big believer in the power of stories to open eyes and change hearts. Throughout the book, I will share stories that both illustrate the widespread abuses in adoption and orphan care and how to do things differently.

The structure of this book is straightforward. In the first part, we will examine the nature of the orphan crisis. We will learn that some responses to the crisis, while good-intentioned, are misguided and ultimately harmful to vulnerable families and children.

In part two, we will dig into the Bible to seek God’s heart for the widow and the orphan. We will discover how God calls his people to get involved in protecting and providing for the “least of these,” (Matthew 25).

Finally, in part three we’ll get very practical. We will examine how to pursue adoption and orphan care differently in order to protect vulnerable families and children.

Wow, you really need to hear my story…

If you have a story you want to share with me about your experience related to international adoption or orphan care, please comment and I’ll be in touch. I am looking for stories. Likewise, I am looking for a “red team” of people willing to help me read and edit the book. If you share my passion for reforming adoption and orphan care, join me.

Sounds great. When can I read it?

As of May 2012, I am half way through writing the manuscript. I am beginning the process of seeking a publisher. This month I am traveling for research – first to the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit in California and then to Africa. I hope to have the manuscript complete by June and to publish sometime in 2012.